Getting Scared...Fear is Your Friend

Fear is a funny thing. As a child, you fear childish things, monsters under the bed, werewolves, vampires, giant sharks (Thanks, Jaws!) and clowns (but for real clowns... are terrifying-case and point, John Wayne Gacy). But as you evolve into a bigger human being, so do your fears. Fears of success and failure, fears of being fat, fears of being ugly, fears of never being accepted as you come. And fears say so much about an individual.




My biggest fear to date is being "normal." ....... and clowns, I still hate clowns.




While in culinary school in Baltimore, I had the fortune of working as a TA for, in my humble opinion, one of the best Garde Manger chefs around, and a dear friend, mentor, and inspiration, Chef Michael Wagner. I worked as TA for his afternoon class of fifteen Intro to Culinary Arts students. For those of you unfamiliar, this is the first lab you take in culinary school, and it's kind of like they give you a knife bag, as though it were your army issue rifle, and throw you into the trenches without warning.




TAing was one of the best experiences I have had in this industry. To see young cooks wanting more, striving to become better, and thirsting to learn everything I had to teach was incredible beyond words. They all treated me like a celebrity of sorts, I even had a student, JK, who told me, "Ryn, when I grow up I wanna be just like you."Funny considering he is older than me. Today my finance reminded me of a conversation I had with this student, while I was studying in Ireland, and he had moved onto his second culinary lab. He was one of my favorite students (yes we do pick favorites) and when he started in my class he was the manager at a Denny's. It kind of became a running joke in our kitchen (as in many fine dining kitchens) to say, "this isn't Denny's..." His drive and determination pushed him to do something bigger, and by the time we finished our five week course he had been offered a position on the line for Baltimore's own (and my personal hero) Cindy Wolfe. I thought I might share it with you, a little bit of practical advice I leant him about transitioning into doing something better:






JK:Quit dennys!!
Me: Hallelujah! Now I don't have to hold my tongue when I reference a shitty food service place!! How was the first day at Pazo?
JK: Great! They actually serve food! Can u believe it?! Lol I'm so glad I have a real job now
Me: lol very proud jeff. very proud.
JK: A guy from CIA works with me and he said Cindy Wolfe yelled at him for messing up a tuna tartar and he went home, cried, and didn't sleep for two days!
Me: hahaha that's the life! I've been crying a lot here in Ireland. It's a tough business man. Just believe in your skills and put them to good use! and the tears that fall when you get home after taking a beating, THAT'S real, THAT'S when you know. When you know that you are doing it all for LOVE. LOVE the food, and keep being you. You're awesome buddy.
JK: That inspires me and also explains the mixed feelings I've been having about starting somewhere new
Me(here's the most important part): IT'S SCARY MAN, IT'S A BIG SCARY FUCKING INDUSTRY, AND OTHERS SEE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME, GO GETTERS, THE ONES THAT SETTLE FOR NOTHING BUT THE BEST, AS ASSHOLES OR BITCHES, BECAUSE WE DEMAND PERFECTION. DON'T EVER LET YOUR FEAR GET THE BETTER OF YOU, YOUR FEAR IS YOUR BEST FRIEND BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THERE PUSHING YOU TO BE BETTER. JUST DONT EVER LET IT ROLL OVER YOU. I know Pazo is a BIG STEP from Denny's but if you aren't taking BIG STEPS, YOU'RE REALLY JUST STANDING STILL. Miss ya buddy. You inspire me!
JK: Thank you, Ryn!!


This conversation is actually when I first thought up the name for this blog. Thanks, Jeff.


My friends and I often discuss what drives this industry and what sets us apart, what makes your voice heard in an overcrowded, overworked and under-appreciated industry, and almost every great chef will say it in one way or another, (I choose to quote one of my favorite B-more originals, poet, lyricist, politician, and Soul Cannon frontman, Eze Jackson) "It's dangerous to be complacent."


Chef Umberto, Maestro di Gelato, said just yesterday that if today you reach your peak, tomorrow the only place to go is down. (or something to that effect, he said it in italian...)


The fear is what is important, fear is your best friend, and when you lose that fear, that's when you are really in trouble. When you think you have nothing else to learn, that's when you are screwed in this industry. That's the day that somebody else is going to sneak up from behind you and roll over you with their innovation. Complacency is the enemy of innovation, and without innovation, you are nothing in this world. Chef John Nocita and I often talk about this during off hours when a group of us are tottering around in the kitchen. There are many downfalls to being a perfectionist, but the funny thing about perfection is, it truly is unattainable. Nothing can ever be perfect. This keeps me striving each day to be a little bit better and better, and teaches me every step that the true perfection is in the quest for knowledge and the determination to continue that quest.


Spingerti...


Amo cucinare,
Ryn

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